Self in the mirror
F a c u l t y P e r s p e c t i v e
Self in the Mirror:
Building the esteem and boosting the confidence
An interview with Dr. Alireza Sedghi Taromi
Faculty, ACSS, UCW
UCWBackpack: What is self-esteem, and how is it different from self-confidence? There are some common misconceptions about self-esteem. One such misconception is that very high self-esteem may lead to narcissism.This can be clarified by distinguishing between narcissism and self-esteem in their phenotypes, their consequences, their developments, and their origins (Brummenlman et al., 2016). Another common misconception is that self-esteem is the same as self-confidence, a very widespread belief. This can be clarified by defining self-esteem and pointing out the differences between it and self-confidence. But before that, it’s important and interesting to mention the role of social media, which plays a significant part in shaping—or distorting—people’s self-perception. These platforms promote idealized images of people and lifestyles, leading many to feel they are not good enough. These images are often just idealized snapshots of someone’s life. This can result in people constantly seeking validation from others, placing their worth in external approval. It can affect both self-esteem and self-confidence. Many studies show the negative relationship between social media and self-esteem (Rosenthal & Tobin, 2022; Jan, et al., 2017; Wang, 2024). For example, a 2018 study by Berryman et al., showed that increased use of social media often leads to constant self-comparison, which is highly associated with low self-esteem, as well as anxiety, depression, and other issues. Now that we’ve discussed the false beliefs about self-esteem and the role of social media, let’s define what self-esteem and self-confidence are and how they differ: Self-esteem, or self-respect, is how individuals evaluate their own worth and value. This evaluation is subjective, emotional, and comprehensive—it includes beliefs, attitudes, and feelings. It can be high or low, strong or weak. This is different from narcissism, where someone believes, “I am better than you.” In healthy self-esteem, the belief is more like, “I am good”—not better or worse than others, just equally valuable as a human being. Self-confidence, on the other hand, is task specific. It is the belief in one’s ability to perform a particular task. It stems from early trust experiences in childhood and grows from there. For example: “I believe I can do this task,” but “maybe I can’t do that other one.” So, confidence varies depending on the area of skill or performance. To summarize: Self-esteem is a global evaluation of one’s worth. Self-confidence is a belief in one's capability to perform specific tasks. Let’s say a student feels very confident giving a speech at a conference. They may have strong self-confidence in that context. But they might still feel unworthy or unloved deep down—indicating low self-esteem. An interesting point in the definition of self-esteem is that while it’s often viewed as internal, emotional, and multidimensional, we must also consider how much of it is tied to our social relationships. A theory by Mark Leary & Roy Baumeister (2000) —called the Sociometer Theory—argues that self-esteem is not just about personal self-worth but also reflects one’s perceived social acceptance. Self-esteem is seen not just as personal value, but as a social indicator, measuring our acceptance and popularity in social groups. According to Deci & Ryan (1995), there are two types of self-esteem, contingent and true self esteem. True self esteem, unlike contingent self-esteem that is dependent self-worth to acceptance of others, is related to positive mental health. Some critiques argue that “self-esteem” should not be seen as just “esteem” in isolation, but as tied to social value. So, it’s essential to understand self-esteem also in terms of social approval and group dynamics. Finally, let’s wrap up this part with an illustrative example: Consider a student who posts selfies on Instagram or Facebook every day. They might get hundreds of likes—from a hiking photo, a party snapshot, or a beautiful scenery shot. This can boost their self-confidence in that specific area—perhaps as a hiker, social person, or photographer. However, once the likes disappear and they’re alone, looking at themselves in the mirror without a filter, they may feel ugly or worthless. So, even though they’ve gained social validation, deep down, they still struggle with low self-esteem. UCWBackpack: How does low self-esteem manifest in students’ academic performance, social relationships, or classroom behavior? In general, there are many indicators of both low and high self-esteem, but if we focus specifically on classroom behavior: According to numerous studies, there is a strong link between self-esteem and academic performance (Arshad et al., 2015; Camel, 2020; Abdulghani et al., 2019). For example, Luo et al. (2022) in their study of the associations between self-esteem and academic self-efficacy among Chinese college students, found that in the first 3 years, self esteem can significantly predict academic self efficacy, with stronger and longer lasting among male students. Furthermore, students with low self-esteem tend to experience academic decline more easily and give up quickly because they believe they lack competence and capability (American Psychological Association, n.d.). In a study, Acosta-Gonzaga (2023) showed that self esteem is related to academic performance by impacting academic engagement and emotional and behavioral disengagement. In the classroom, their behavior that instructors should pay attention to can show up in two different ways: They may be excessively quiet and passive, or They may engage in attention-seeking or disruptive behaviors to gain recognition. According to American Psychological Association (n.d.) these students also tend to have negative self-talk, sometimes even repeating these comments out loud like, “I can’t do this,” “I’m not good enough,” “No one likes me.” They often set unrealistic standards for themselves and are afraid of making mistakes or failing, as Hill also demonstrated in his study. Additionally, individuals with low self-esteem tend to: Avoid group work, as shown in our own research and that of our colleagues, Exhibit social withdrawal, Be extremely sensitive to criticism, often reacting strongly. Therefore, it is very important for educators to be attentive to these emotional expressions, behaviors, academic performance, and social interactions. Recognizing these signs can be crucial in identifying students who struggle with low self-esteem. In the first part, we covered misconceptions about self-esteem, how it differs from self-confidence, and in the second part, we explored the classroom behaviors and signs that reflect levels of self-esteem. Now, in this section, we want to examine the link between self-esteem and mental health. UCWBackpack: What is the relationship between self-esteem and mental health. In your experience, how does the school environment—teachers, grading systems, and peer dynamics—affect students’ self-esteem? The reality is that many studies have shown a strong connection between low self-esteem and mental health issues, especially depression. This depression can, in turn, be related to substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, and other serious risks. One key reason is that self-esteem acts like a psychological shield, protecting us from depression and other threats. That’s why it’s crucial to address it. In many contexts, the importance and necessity of self-esteem has been emphasized. It functions like a mental immune system, a source of inner motivation and strength, and is considered a basic human need in various psychological theories—such as Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (1943, 1954). More directly, several studies have specifically addressed the connection between self-esteem and depression, including those by Asici & Sari (2022), De Alwis et al. (2024), Kwok & Tam (2023), Kinariwala et al. (2024) and Liu et al. (2024)—all confirming this critical link. In this context, the university environment becomes highly significant. As mentioned earlier, self-esteem isn't just a personal, internal evaluation, but also involves social acceptance. So, if the classroom environment fosters a sense of belonging, it enhances self-esteem. When students feel they belong, it directly supports their sense of value and worth. This impact comes from both classmates and, importantly, instructors. The way instructors interact plays a huge role in creating a safe and supportive space, a place where students feel it's okay to make mistakes, practice, and learn. Such an environment must be: Non-judgmental Free of humiliation Free of ridicule This allows students to practice openly, feel they belong, and express themselves. Initially, it boosts their self-confidence in specific tasks, and gradually they begin to feel that others, peers and professors, value their voice and want to hear what they have to say. The instructor is especially important here, as they set the foundation for a positive, welcoming environment. Students may be facing many other challenges: Homesickness Adjustment to a new environment Academic pressure Financial stress And more… So, it's even more impactful if, despite all these difficulties, students can come to class and feel that it is a space where they can learn, ask questions, and express themselves. All of this significantly influences their self-esteem. Otherwise, their sense of self-worth may remain underdeveloped or even deteriorate. UCWBackpack: What are some practical strategies or interventions educators can use to help foster positive self-esteem in their classrooms? What strategies can be used to support and improve student self-esteem, whether by instructors, through the classroom environment, by the students themselves or by the counsellors. As mentioned in the previous part, it’s important to create a positive and inclusive classroom—a space that is non-judgmental, free of humiliation, and free of ridicule, so that everyone can feel respected, valued, and that they belong. An environment rooted in empathy, kindness, and the teaching and practice of self-worth encourages positive self-talk and self-affirmation. This is not to be confused with narcissism, we’re not saying, “Everything I do is perfect.” We want students to feel, “I am good,” and that their worth is not dependent on performance. Unlike narcissism, which says, “I’m better than everyone,” healthy self-esteem says, “I am valuable simply because I am human.” Throughout history, and in many psychological disorders or destructive behaviors, we can detect a deep inner plea: “Please accept me. I am worthy. Believe in me.” This highlights how social acceptance and belonging are deeply tied to self-worth. Some theories, as discussed earlier, shift the focus of self-esteem from just internal self-evaluation to social acceptance—how accepted a person feels in their relationships and environment. After the instructors, what individuals themselves can do, and what role counselors or psychologists can play to improve self esteem: There’s a common question: “Can YouTube videos or Instagram content claiming to help with confidence and self-esteem be trusted?” Some of this content is backed by credible psychologists or academic institutions. However, many of the online content is unscientific, based on common sense rather than research, often oversimplified, and sometimes promotes unrealistic expectations. According to Private Rehab Clinic Delamere that analyzed TikTok mental health awareness posts, 61% of the information was incorrect (Psychreg News Release, 2022). Founder Martin Preston (2021) highlighted that social media is an unreliable source for medical advice and advised users to consult trusted medical institutions instead. Moreover, it should be reminded again that the use of social media itself can decrease self esteem and mental health. So, not only using untrusted social media sources is ineffective, but they can also cause further harm and frustration. On the other hand, professional psychologists base their work on research and evidence-based methods. Psychological support involves identifying issues using validated tools (like the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale 1965 or Coopersmith Self-Esteem Inventories, 1967 & 1981), followed by tailored interventions. In British Columbia, Canada, diagnoses must be interpreted by a licensed psychologist. The identification of self-esteem issues often begins with such tests, which must be professionally analyzed. After identification, support may include: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to challenge negative thinking patterns Self-awareness and skills training Based on the work of Aaron Beck (1976) and Albert Ellis (1957 & 1995), strategies include: Reframing negative beliefs Teaching social skills Changing harmful thought patterns Research by Sedghi Taromi et. al (2016) has shown that workshops grounded in Cognitive Behavior Therapy principles can greatly improve mental health and social adjustment, which in turn benefit self-esteem. Practical steps individuals can take (with or without a specialist) come from Michael Frisch’s book (2005) Quality of Life Therapy: Applying a Life Satisfaction Approach to Positive Psychology and Cognitive Therapy. He suggests five key techniques: 1. Remember Past Successes Keep a record of achievements, kindness received, talents, and accomplishments—this helps keep our strengths visible. 2. Let Go of Doubts About Self-Worth Avoid vague questions like “Am I a worthy person?” Instead, ask concrete questions: “Did I handle this situation well?” “Was I a good teacher/student today?” Evaluate specific actions, not your entire identity. 3. Practice Self-Acceptance Self-worth should not depend on what we do, but on who we are. Our value lies in our being, not our doing. This includes revisiting childhood memories—rethinking past experiences with fresh perspectives, like rereading a book after many years and discovering new insights. 4. Develop Supportive Communication and Relationships Create supportive networks where you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment. However, don’t base your self-worth entirely on others’ approval—otherwise, it can be easily disrupted. As the Persian poet Hafez said, "I am the servant of the one whose grace is constant, Not of those whose kindness comes and goes.” 5. Help Others and Acknowledge Your Progress Support others and reflect on your own journey: Compare yourself with your past self, not others. Notice how far you’ve come. This keeps your self-esteem rooted in inner growth, rather than external validation. Real, lasting self-esteem is built through a mix of internal reflection, supportive environments, scientific guidance, and purposeful practice—with the ultimate goal of embracing the truth: “I am a human being, not a human doing.” References Abdulghani, A. H., Almelhem, M., Basmaih, G., Alhumud, A., Alotaibi, R., Wali, A., & Abdulghani, H. M. (2019). Does self-esteem lead to high achievement of the science college’s students? A study from the six health science colleges. Saudi Journal of Biological Sciences, 27(2), 636–642. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sjbs.2019.11.026 Acosta-Gonzaga, E. (2023). The effects of self-esteem and academic engagement on university students’ performance. Behavioral Sciences, 13(4), 348. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs13040348 American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Students experiencing low self-esteem or low perceptions of competence. APA Mental Health Primers. Arshad, M., Zaidi, S. M. I. H., & Mahmood, K. (2015). Self-esteem & academic performance among university students. Journal of Education and Practice, 6(1), 156. Asici, E., & Sari, H. I. (2022). Depression, anxiety, and stress in university students: Effects of dysfunctional attitudes, self-esteem, and age. Acta Educationis Generalis, 12(1), 109–126. Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press. Berryman C, Ferguson CJ, Negy C. (2018). Social Media Use and Mental Health among Young Adults. Psychiatr Q.;89(2):307-314. Brummelman, E., Thomaes, S., & Sedikides, C. (2016). Separating narcissism from self-esteem. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 25(1), 8–13. Camel, D. (2020). Improving student’s academic performance from the inside out: The relationship between self-esteem and academic performance. A Research Snapshot. Coopersmith, S. (1967). The antecedents of self-esteem. W. H. Freeman. Coopersmith, S. (1981). Coopersmith Self-Esteem Inventories (CSEI) [Database record]. APA PsycTests. https://doi.org/10.1037/t06456-000 De Alwis, J., Shi, G., Li, Y., & Xu, W. (2024). The need for affiliation and depression amidst the post-acute pandemic: The mediation of self-esteem and moderation of insecure attachment among university students. Children and Youth Services Review, 164, Article 107863. Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1995). Human agency: The basis for true self-esteem. In M. H. Kernis (Ed.), Efficacy, agency, and self-esteem (pp. 31–50). New York: Plenum. Ellis, A. (1957). Psychotherapy and the cognitive approach. Journal of General Psychology, 56(2), 145–158. Ellis, A. (1995). Better, deeper, and more enduring brief therapy: The rational emotive behavior therapy approach. Routledge. Frisch, M. B. (2006). Quality of life therapy: Applying a life satisfaction approach to positive psychology and cognitive therapy. John Wiley & Sons. Jan, M., Soomro, S., & Ahmad, N. (2017). Impact of social media on self-esteem. European Scientific Journal, 13(23), 329-341. https://doi.org/10.19044/esj.2017.v13n23p329 Kinariwala, A., Saija, N., & Malhotra, S. (2024). The impact of self-esteem on depression in medical college students. Apollo Medicine. Kwok, G., & Tam, C. L. (2023). Depression, self-esteem, and lifestyle factors among university students in Singapore and Malaysia. International Journal of Information Systems and Social Change, 14(1). Leary, M. R., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). The nature and function of self-esteem: Sociometer theory. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology (Vol. 32, pp. 1–62). 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(1965). Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (RSES) [Database record]. APA PsycTests. https://doi.org/10.1037/t01038-000 Rosenthal, S. R., & Tobin, A. P. (2022). Self-esteem only goes so far: The moderating effect of social media screen time on self-esteem and depressive symptoms. Behaviour & Information Technology, 42(15), 2688–2695. https://doi.org/10.1080/0144929X.2022.2139759 Sedghi-Taromi, A., Afrouz, G., Shokoohi-Yekta, M., Ghobari-Bonab, B. & Besharat, M. (2016). Effectiveness of the Quality-of-Life Improvement Program for Adolescents with Visual Impairment on their Adjustment and Mental Health. Applied Psychological Research Quarterly, 6(5), 21-37. Wang, H. (2024). Relationship between self-esteem and problematic social media use amongst Chinese college students: A longitudinal study. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 17, 679-689.
S t u d e n t V o i c e
We asked students to reflect on situations in which they felt they had low self-confidence.
At Wendy’s
I am going to tell the story of when I was working at Wendy’s during a busy shift. My friend, who also works there gave a wrong order to the customer. The customer became upset because of the wrong order and asked for the manager. When the manager asked me what happened, I did not tell the full truth. I told her it was just a mistake at the counter because I wanted to protect my friend. I don’t want him to get in trouble.
At that point , I felt low in confidence. I did not know what to say or what to do. I was nervous and felt guilty for not being honest. I wanted to help my friend, but I also felt like I was doing something wrong. My mind was full of stress, and I started doubting myself.
I stayed calm and told the manager a small lie to cover for my friend. After everything was fixed, I told my friend to be more careful next time. But I still felt bad about not telling the truth. The manager accepted my explanation, and the customer got the right order. My friend didn’t get in trouble. But I didn’t feel proud. I felt low in confidence because I knew I wasn’t honest, and it made me question myself more.
If this happened again, I would be honest with the manager. I can still support my friend by explaining it was just a small mistake, but I wouldn’t lie. I learned that being honest is better and helps me feel more confident
At job interview
One situation where I experienced low self-confidence was when I applied for my first job. I had an interview, and it was my first time speaking in front of the boss of a well-known institute. I knew I had to present myself as best as I could. Even though I had prepared well, I suddenly became very nervous and ended up stepping out of the office. My hands were shaking, and I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I began to doubt myself, thinking, maybe I’m not good enough for this position, and I completely lost my confidence.
In that moment, I was filled with fear and self-doubt. My mind was overwhelmed with negative thoughts: What if I mess up? What will the boss think of me? I felt small and deeply uncomfortable. I wasn’t even thinking about the potential this job could offer or the things I could learn. Instead, I was consumed by anxiety. I felt embarrassed and disappointed in myself for not staying calm and composed when it mattered most.
Eventually, I went back into the office and gave it a try. However, I avoided eye contact with the boss, mispronounced some words, and skipped a few important points I had prepared. I didn’t give myself time to pause or breathe properly. After the interview, I felt like I had let myself down. Although the HR feedback was kind, I knew I hadn’t performed at my best.
If I had the chance to relive that moment, I would take a different approach. I would practice speaking confidently in front of others—maybe by rehearsing with friends or recording myself on my phone. I would also remind myself that it’s normal to feel nervous in high-pressure situations and that I’m not alone. Many people feel the same way. I learned that confidence grows with experience, and that facing fear is the first step toward overcoming it.
At a rooftop repair job
A time I remember experiencing low self-confidence was when I first joined Hydro Heroes and worked on domestic home repairs. I was required to check and clean the gutters and examine the roof drain system on a steep roof. Since most of my experience involved making art on level surfaces, using a relief was at first unfamiliar and a bit scary. Because of the elevation, uneven roofline and lack of suitable footing, I felt quite nervous and did not feel prepared.
My doubts poured into my mind at that moment. I kept wondering, “What if I lose my grip? What if the team’s progress will be slowed if I am here? Because of these thoughts, I began to feel anxious and doubtful. I felt sweaty all over my hands before I stepped up the ladder. My team supported me, but I noticed that I didn’t have full confidence in myself which made my anxiety worse.
I was very careful when the task finally came up, even though I should have been quicker. I kept going over my harness and footing several times. My communication skills weren’t as strong as they are usually and I felt that I needed more assistance than I wanted. I was able to complete the project, yet I knew I didn’t work at my highest level.
The project was completed safely with no problems, but I saw that being more confident would have helped me do it more effectively.
The next time I experience this, I will try to mentally get ready before anything happens. I would remind myself of the roof safety steps and keep my mind on the jobs I did well in the past. Above all, I often reminded myself that feeling anxious is normal and it’s your reaction that makes the greatest difference.
At class presentation
I am sharing one of the moments in my life when I felt low confidence. It happened during my 12th grade, when I had to give an individual presentation in front of the class. This was the first time I had to speak alone. The presentation was about my science practical, and I had to explain what I had done.
Although I had prepared everything very well, I felt very nervous and lacked confidence. My teacher was very supportive. At first, I felt hesitant to speak, so I asked my teacher for five minutes to prepare myself. She kindly agreed. When I began speaking, I looked at my teacher, and she was smiling. That smile gave me the confidence I needed.
By the end of my presentation, everyone clapped. I had prepared well, but nervousness still affected me at first. I realized that if my teacher hadn’t supported me, I might not have been able to speak at all. That experience taught me how much our surroundings and the people around us can impact our confidence.
From that day on, I began to feel more confident. That first solo presentation encouraged me to always be well-prepared and stay positive before any important exam or event.
At school assembly
I have faced many situations when I felt low confidence, during presentations, group discussions, speaking in school in front of teachers, and even sometimes in front of my parents.
One situation I clearly remember happened during my 5th semester. It was my first time speaking on stage in front of thousands of students. My school had a rule that every student must present a "thought of the day" on stage. When my teacher selected me, I was initially very confident because I saw it as a chance to prove myself in front of the whole school.
However, when I stood on stage and saw the huge crowd, I suddenly went blank. I felt emotionally overwhelmed and couldn’t remember what I had prepared to say. I told my teacher I wasn’t able to speak. But she encouraged me, saying, “No one is here to judge you. If you don’t speak now, you might find it hard to face yourself later and may always regret it.”
Her words helped me calm down, and I started speaking. In the end, everyone clapped for me, and I felt proud that I had overcome my fear. From that day on, my confidence increased. I can now easily speak in front of others. Since then, I have given many performances in school and college. I’m very thankful to my teacher for her support.
First time in Canada
When I came here to Canada, I fell into a brief period of self-doubt. I was picked up from the airport by my sister and her friends. They were all dressed well, in the fashionable type of dress, and appeared to be quite confident and relaxed. Whereas I was in regular clothes, having been dressed at home, and felt underdressed. Everything about me was new: a new language, a new culture, and a new environment. They discussed Canadian places, systems, and rules that I had never even heard of. I felt so small and unsure of myself in that moment.
I was nervous, embarrassed, and even a little ashamed. All the ideas I had were filled with self-doubt. I also wondered if I would ever belong or adapt to life in this country. I kept comparing myself to them and feeling like I didn’t fit in. I smiled and stayed positive, but inside, I was so insecure.
I didn’t say much at the time. I trailed along and listened, but I didn’t talk much, because I was so afraid of saying something wrong, or even speaking with the wrong accent. I didn’t want to make a scene. I did my best to blend in.
The result was that I didn’t feel connected, and I was not able to fully be together in the moment. I regret not having been prouder of myself and my hometown. I would tell myself that if I had to do it all over again, I’d remind my former self that everybody begins their journey the same like I did. I would try to speak up more and ask questions, and not feel ashamed of being different. Now I realize that confidence is unlocking who you are and embracing yourself.
At school concert
In the past, during my high school time, I participated in an annual cultural dance program (concert), as it is something that I like to do. It is held for three days. At my school, the selection of the songs had to go through three rounds. So, every participant practices their dance to a chosen song after school. My group put in a great effort into our dance moves practice. We got selected as the best for the annual concert and got to perform for all three days. We were so happy about the upcoming concert.
I was very excited about the concert and was looking forward to it. But as soon as I went in front of the stage, my heartbeat raced fast, and I felt very nervous. All of a sudden, I felt uncomfortable dancing in front of the huge crowd with all the lights focused on my face. My body was shivering while performing, and I was forgetting my steps, but somehow, I managed to dance. It was an anxious experience for me.
I would say that the concert was both interesting and challenging. As a group, we worked cooperatively, which resulted in our performing successfully. We did time management very well. However, individually, I felt very disappointed with my performance because I might have shown stunning moves if I were not nervous.
As a group, we became famous for our dance moves, cooperation, and timing. Each one in our group understands each other’s timing when to step in and out, which eventually results in effective performance. But on an individual basis, I need to do more practice so that I can dance confidently.
To conclude, I learned how to do teamwork and time management. I also understand the importance of practice. With practice, one should increase their confidence, which helps in representing their moves(steps) effectively.
In the future, I plan to rehearse more and more, because it will make me feel more confident while giving my performance. I will surely work on myself and become confident enough to rock the stage.
At college introduction
It was my first week at college, and I felt very nervous when we were asked to introduce ourselves to the entire group. Doing such a simple task made me extremely anxious because I was in a new environment and didn’t know many people. Before the conversation, I had planned to share my name, my hometown, and an interesting fact about myself.
However, when it was my turn to speak, I stood up and suddenly felt overwhelmed with nervousness. I became really worried about mispronouncing words or not being understood because of the way I speak. I kept thinking, What if others don’t understand me? What if I say something wrong and people laugh at me?
As soon as I began talking, my voice was shaking, and I knew people would notice. I didn’t explain my planned interesting fact properly and quickly sat down. Although my classmates didn’t react badly, I felt ashamed and disappointed with how I performed. I kept wishing I had spoken more clearly and with more confidence.
In that moment, I felt alone and less capable than others. Later on, I realized that many other students were feeling the same way, even if they didn’t show it. If I could do it again, I would pause, take a breath, and speak slowly. I would remind myself that it's okay to feel nervous and that every experience is a chance to improve. Now, I try to face such situations more calmly.
At group presentation
One situation where I experienced low self-confidence was during a group presentation in university. We were tasked with presenting a business strategy proposal to a panel of lecturers and peers. I had contributed heavily to the research and planning, but I struggled with public speaking. As the presentation day approached, I started to doubt my ability to communicate effectively. I was afraid of forgetting my points, stumbling over my words, or being judged as incompetent.
Emotionally, I felt a mix of anxiety, self-doubt, and embarrassment. I kept thinking, What if I mess up? What if they think I don’t know what I’m talking about? Even though I was well-prepared, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t good enough to present in front of others. I noticed my heart racing, my palms sweating, and my voice trembling even before I started speaking.
When it was finally my turn to present, I spoke quickly and avoided making eye contact. I tried to get through my section as fast as possible without really connecting with the audience. My nervousness was obvious, and I could tell I wasn’t engaging the panel the way I had hoped.
The outcome was mixed. Our group received a decent grade, but the feedback noted that my delivery lacked confidence and clarity. It was disheartening to hear, especially after putting in so much effort behind the scenes.
If I faced a similar situation again, I would take the time to practice public speaking more intentionally—maybe through mock presentations or by seeking feedback from friends. I’d also remind myself that confidence often comes through preparation and self-compassion. Everyone gets nervous, but facing that discomfort head-on is how real growth happens
At wedding ceremony
On my wedding day, I experienced a low level of confidence. Although it was a very special day for me, I felt nervous. I was afraid I might make a mistake because there were so many people present. I began to worry about my appearance, what I would say, and whether others would notice that I was anxious. I felt nervous and somewhat afraid. Thoughts like “What if I say something wrong?” or “What if I look foolish in front of everyone?” kept racing through my mind as my heart pounded.
Even though I had waited for this day for a long time, I didn’t feel ready. When the ceremony started, I tried my best to say my vows and smile, but my voice was weak and my hands were shaking. I was too nervous to pay much attention to those around me. All I wanted was for the ceremony to be over as quickly as possible.
In the end, everything went according to plan. Most guests didn’t even notice how I was feeling, and many said the wedding was beautiful. But deep down, I knew I had felt completely unconfident throughout the day.
If I had the chance to do it over again, I would try to stay calm and truly enjoy the experience. I would take deep breaths and remind myself that it’s okay to feel nervous. Rather than aiming for perfection, I would focus on the love and happiness of the moment.
At class presentation
In college, I found it difficult to feel confident when I had to present in front of the class. I've never been very good at public speaking, so despite practicing my part, I was still really worried. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to speak to my classmates on the challenging subject in the best way possible. As I stood in front of the class, I could feel my heart beating and my hands shaking. and thinking, what if they don't understand me, and what if I forget everything I was working on? Some of the self-doubting questions that rushed through my mind. I nearly forgot to start talking because I was so preoccupied with my fear that my face became hot. My voice was shaky, and I started talking too quickly. When I saw a few people who seemed puzzled, my feelings of worry increased even further. My slides did not seem to be as clear as I had hoped, and I frequently failed over my words. Ten minutes seemed to be the longest period of my life. Despite not giving it my all, I managed to get through the presentation. Even though I had valuable information, my professor suggested that I speak more clearly and with better delivery. I would rehearse more by recording myself or in front of friends if I had to do it again. I would remind myself that nobody is perfect and that feeling stressed is common. Above all, instead of aiming for excellence, I would focus on my knowledge
At first interview
I am describing my job interview situation. This was my first job interview in Canada. After applying for the job, I received a call for an interview after many days. At that time, I felt very low in confidence because it was the first job interview of my life.
At the beginning of the interview, I felt nervous. When they started asking questions, I sometimes gave incorrect answers to the supervisor, which was very disappointing. After completing the interview, they told me to wait for 3–4 days and that they would send the result by email.
When I received the email, I found out that I was not hired. I felt very low at that time. I also received some feedback, they advised me to improve my confidence level. I even called the company back to ask for more details, and they told me that a lack of confidence was the main issue. In their company, it is important for employees to speak with good confidence.
If I face this problem again in the future, I will spend more time doing mock interviews and watching videos online to learn how to handle such situations. This will help me prepare better in advance and remind myself of my strengths and achievements in similar circumstances.
At tire shop
There was a time when I lacked self-confidence. I started working as a tire mechanic. A customer had a flat in a car, and I had to remove it, put a patch on the leak, and put it back on the axle. I had practiced this type of job when I was getting training, but getting it done by myself was a difficult job for me.
I was nervous and uncertain my hands shook a little. Mentally, I would think, what if I seal the tire incorrectly? Or what if I tighten the lug nuts incorrectly and it leads to an accident?"
I chose to take my time and double-check it all. I did each step exactly right, even if it did take me longer than most times. I had a senior coworker glance it over quickly before I returned it to the customer.
The work had been done right, but I had spent too much time, I knew. Still, the customer had left satisfied, and no mistake had been made. My manager later explained to me that when you are new, it is more desirable to take it slowly rather than be quick.
If I had to face this again, I would remind myself that I have been trained and I understand what I'm about to do. I just take a deep breath and concentrate on what I'm doing. I realize that if I'm not sure, it's okay to ask for assistance or help.